Lost and Confused
by Kazernish
Summary: Just a scene of what goes inside my head..with my own orginal character (Kazuko)... based on stuff real life stuff... RR


This story is all based on real things but it takes place in my mind so.. It's not really non-fiction... And if you're  
  
wondering why it's in the "Digimon" category, it's because it has Daisuke's forms in it.. If you don't understand that  
  
just email me.. I'm not sure if any of you will understand but.. trust me on this one...  
  
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"What's wrong?" Rach murmured, looking up from the manga she was reading, "You look so pale.. you didn't sleep again did you?"   
  
(Rach: A side of myself that's wants to get what I want.. wants to be happy...)  
  
I walked over to the fridge trying my best to ignore her. I couldn't see very well but I managed to get a soda out without hurting myself. She continued to ask so I was forced to answer.   
  
"No.. I didn't.. but who cares anyway.." I said. I walked over to the table and sat down, placing my head in my arms. "Nobody gives a crap anyway so why should I?" I continued.  
  
"Well.. that's not entirely true, why do you think i'm asking if I didn't care? You haven't slept for the past week and  
  
a half almost and you've seemed more and more dead." Her voie had a tiny bit of concern in it, along with annoyance.   
  
"And you're not acting like yourself." She added. "You're really not."  
  
My anger started to rise inside of me and I wanted so much just to punch her. I slowly got up and screamed "WHY THE HELL SHOULD YOU CARE HUH ALL YOU DO IS JUST MAKE IT WORSE!"  
  
She sat there for a couple of seconds then stood up herself. She leaned in until her face was only inches from mine. "MAYBE BECAUSE I'M YOU AND I'M FOR WHAT YOU WANT, NOT HIM! MAYBE BECAUSE I'M TRYING TO HELP, MAYBE IF YOU REALISED THAT THEN YOU'D REALISE THAT IT'S HIS FAULT!"  
  
"IT'S NOT HIS FAULT ALRIGHT IT'S MINE AND YOU'RE NOT HELPING AT ALL!"  
  
I could tell by the look on her face that she knew she wasn't going to get through to me anytime soon, a good thing actually.. she could leave me alone for once.  
  
I picked up my soda can and stomped out of the room, I was too preoccupied with my thoughts that I bumped into Daisuke.  
  
( Daisuke: Davis ( my love ) in his earlier stage, when we started going out )  
  
"What's wrong?" He said, wrapping his arms around me. "You don't seem too well.. need anything? Any help?" He smiled at me and kissed my forehead. "Come 'ere I found something last night that just might cheer you up."  
  
He picked me up and carried me over to his room. He lay me down on the bed and went and switched on the computer. "It won't take too long," he said smiling, "It'll be worth it anyway." He walked back over to the bed just as I turned onto my side and picked me up. He hugged me again and rocked us a bit, then pulled us over to the computer. He clicked on a few things then he let go of me and the expression on his face went from happy to confused.  
  
"Where is it?!" He murmured. He clicked on a few other things but he still seemed confused. He turned to me.  
  
"Sorry Kaz.. I guess I lost it. Ah it's ok I'll find it later for you ok?" I nodded, I wasn't in too much of a rush to see it, I just wanted to be with him... or more so.. Dai.  
  
( Dai: Alright here's where it gets confusing, Dai is my love the way he is right now, and Daisuke is him from before, so there's 2 Davis's. But Daisuke technically doesn't exsist, he's a part of me, lives inside my mind. Dai is also a part of me, in a different way and he exsists, just not in my mind. )  
  
(( Note: Remember the name differences, that'll help the most.. ))  
  
Daisuke signed and shut down the com, he then turned to me and hugged me again, murmuring something like "My Kaz..". I looked up at him and he smiled and kissed my cheek. "Let's get something to eat, ne? You do seem hungry," he whispered, rocking us a bit again, "Come on." He picked me up again and carried me out of the room and back into the kicthen. Rachel was still siting there, and still reading her manga.   
  
Daisuke just ignored her and sat me down in a chair and smiled at me before he went off to the fridge. "What do you want to eat hun? We've got.. hmm bread, eggs, some cake, cheese, and a bunch of other stuff haha." I smiled at him.  
  
"I dunno, I guess anything, I'm not very hungry right now anyway.." I turned around in the chair so I was facing him.   
  
"Ok," he said, "Just make sure you eat something later k?" He walked over to me and hugged me tightly for a couple of seconds, then walked into the bathroom. "Heh, hold on."   
  
I laughed and turned around on the chair so I could put my head on the table. Rachel looked up from her manga again and stared at me.  
  
"How come he's the only one around here who can really help you?" She asked.   
  
"Maybe it's because he's really sweet to me.. didn't you see everything he did? He shows me that he loves me every minute.. and his patience seems to be unlimited... and-" I got cut off. "And everyone else sucks." Rachel said. "Yeah I get it now, so you just go to him whenever something goes wrong, so you're just using him?"  
  
I stared at her, "Of course not, I go to him when i'm happy too i'm not using him, I'd never do that."   
  
"Right so what's wrong? And what happened last night?"  
  
"What do you mean what happened? Nothing happened."  
  
"You were crying, I couldn't hear you but I know you were.. so what happened?"  
  
We both heard a noise and turns our heads to the door next to the bathroom. It opened and a girl, that I guess you could say is my twin walked out.  
  
"Hey guys, I heard yelling so I thought I might check it out. What are you two arguing about this time?" She asked.  
  
"Nothing," I replied. "Just the same old thing."  
  
Rachel glared at me and I glared back.  
  
"Ohhh," she said. "Your fights are always interesting and theres always something for me to say so..." She jumped onto a chair. "I guess I'll stay and listen."  
  
Rachel stared at her for a couple of seconds then looked at me. I looked at her and shrugged.  
  
"So what happened?" Rachel asked again.   
  
"Nothing." I repeated.   
  
"When did what happen?" Asked my "twin". "If you're talking about last night I think I might know.. hmm well you were crying," She pointed at me. "And I remember him, Dai, saying something about not being there on your birthday this year, I'm not sure but I think that was why you were crying.." She finished by fading off and placing a finger on her chin. "I think so at least..."  
  
"You're right," I said. "But whatever I don't care anymore.. or at least i'm tring not to.."  
  
We all sat there for a couple of minutes, neither of us saying a word. I looked up when I heard the bathroom door open and Daisuke ran out into his room yelling, "One second!". Then I looked back at the table.  
  
"I don't get it," I murmured. "I mean I even talked to him yesterday.. he was so happy.. he was laughing and he seemed happy.. he even hugged me later on.. and even kissed my cheek.. I mean that made me happy and shit.. I was heaven then but.. I mean later on... I started to feel shitty and miss him alot..." I stared at the table. "... I'm so annoying to him..."  
  
"You're forgetting," said Rachel. "You're going through puberty too ya know, just like the happiness weared off for him it weared off for you, you guys are still going through puberty. I'm willing to bet that what," She pointed to my "twin". "Miss. Sweet-Ass there said about him saying something about not being there on ur birthday this year triggered something inside of you and made you feel shitty, considering that that day has always been the best day of the year for you. And you thought he might make up for what he did last year by being online this year and talking to you and doing something sweet like Mr. Lovey-Dovey over there who's watching porno on his com that's why HE'S NOT OUT HERE RIGHT NOW," Daisuke came running out, an innocent look on his face. He quickly   
  
walked over to me, picked me up and sat me in his lap.   
  
"But since he said that he MIGHT not be on on your birthday this year that killed almost every bit of hope that you had that he might say that he's sorry. Alright i'm done."  
  
I stared at her. "Well I guess that right but.. do I have to be so annoying about it? I mean if I told him that wouldn't it be as annoying as Hell?? I mean i'm annoying to him already but why do I have to be even more annoying?! Why can't I just STAY happy for him huh?!??" I punched myself. "I hate myself.. I should've done him a favor and killed myself a long time ago.. OH THERE EVEN THAT'S ANNOYING!" I punched myself again. Daisuke looked at me a bit   
  
worried-ly and hugged me, keeping my arms down at my sides. "You know, i've still got the table." I said to him.  
  
"...Well don't hurt yourself k? That's not gonna help at all." He nuzzled me and hugged me a bit tighter.  
  
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I'm gonna add another chapter to this.. Review just so I know people's thoughts on it and stuff... 


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